Children in Community: One Family's Perspective

Intentional communities are especially attractive to families. Who doesn't want their children to grow up in a nurturing, wholesome environment? We interviewed one family about their hopes, dreams, and concerns regarding raising a family in Weaving Water. 

What hopes and dreams do you have that cohousing might fulfill where family is concerned?

Henry: I think my hopes for living in cohousing with families is based on a few different things. First, with young children it is very useful to have neighbors close by whom you know and trust. Sometimes you need somebody to watch a child just while you take a shower or run a quick errand. Second, we will have a large safe (e.g., without cars) space for kids to play and run around together. I think it will be really nice to have a large area for kids to explore.  Lastly, the children will range in age so that kid scan learn from each other, and older kids can watch or babysit younger kids. For example, our daughter will be 13 when we move in, and she is now quite capable (and occasionally willing) of watching an entertaining younger children.
 
Danielle: I'm looking forward to discussing parenting with other parents for advice and brainstorming. Having more allies in the parenting world will be nice. And as our daughter will be a teenager soon, it will be nice to have adults around that she can talk to when she doesn't want to talk to her parents. I think our daughter is looking forward to having more adults in her life who aren't engineers. She doesn't relate to us the way she would to those who have more in common with her. I'm also looking forward to giving other parents a break when they need one.

What worries or concerns do you have about cohousing and children?

Henry: When families live and interact closely, there is always the possibility that squabbles between children lead to friction between households. People (and especially children) are not always nice to each other. Adults must be willing and able to provide guidance and boundaries without vilifying others. For example, if you’re 7 year old is harassing my 6 year old and I’m annoyed, I also need to realize that they’re only children. If things are handled properly, they’ll all be laughing and playing together tomorrow.

What advantages do you foresee where cohousing and children are concerned?

Danielle: When Henry and I discussed where we wanted to live when our daughter was 4 years old, we both wanted to give her what we had as children. He wanted her to be able to walk or ride her bike to see friends, and I wanted her to be able to walk into the forest to explore the wilderness. The Eno has fulfilled the forest dream. But since so many kids in our neighborhood go to different schools, our daughter hasn't had the kid community that so many of us had when we were little. I was brought to tears last week when I saw her ultimate frisbee team stay after practice to play. It was one of the few times I've seen her play with her peers in large numbers outside of school time. I'm excited that Weaving Water will allow kids to have close friends and the wilderness to explore right outside their doors. I'm also excited to see how living in a collaborative community will shape the way our kids work with others. The collaborative culture of cohousing is different from mainstream America. Kids who grow up in cohousing will learn those skills and take them into the broader community.

Alina: Cohousing is the kind of environment where adults are likely to consider the children who live there in decision making. I think that children are assets to the community and their opinions and ideas should be valued. At some age, if they choose to, children should be allowed to contribute in meetings and committees.